Cyber withdrawal

The computer sounded like a Cessna at take-off. Then it wouldn’t connect to the internet. Finally, a scary-looking black and white drawing of a face popped up and asked me if I wanted to “kill the file.” My computer was toast.

So I lugged the tower into the computer repair shop and briefly explained that I had the world’s worst virus.

“My Norton expired last week, so I ran out and bought McAffee right away. The scans said nothing was wrong,” I relayed despairingly to the guy behind the desk.

“Oh, you installed MCCRAPPY,” he replied.”You might as well just install a virus on it.”

Apparently, the entire town decided to bring their PCs in to be serviced the same day right before me. Twenty-six sat on the bench ahead of mine, which looked pretty pathetic all dusty with its pieced-together parts. It had been created in someone’s basement from cannibalized PCs by a now out-of-business “computer store”.

I was fine for two hours. Then I actually began cyber withdrawal. It dawned on me that I have a parallel life and some friends that essentially only exist in this other internet universe. I think I might eventually have to call someone, but I’ve always been phonophobic. My cell is not much more advanced than a rotary phone.

I was magnetically drawn to Best Buy, where my feet took me past the PCs over to the Apple’s. I looked at the MacBooks, then rounded the bend. There it was.

The ceiling somehow split apart and a shaft of light beamed down from heaven, landing gently on the iMac All-in-One. I stared in amazement. Brushing the angles’ wings aside, I approached it with reverence. Should I bow my head in respect? I backed away slowly, every emotional tie with the old computer now irrevocably broken.

I’ve got a borrowed laptop from my mom right now. Connecting to the internet was like receiving electronic IV fluid: I felt revived. Now I’ve got iMac dreams and a PC budget…… And I’m still waiting on news of my virus-riddled tower.


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